“DO TO NO ONE WHAT you would not want done to you. Ask advice of every wise person. Bless the Lord God in everything; beg him to guide your ways and bring your paths and purposes to their end” Tob 4:16, 19-20. Learn to say, “I’m sorry” to your spouse each time you wrong him/her. Be a model to those around you. People are watching you: from your good deeds, they will be able to say, “Truly, this is a Christian Family!”

Moses and his family were seen as model by many who decided to emulate them as much as possible. But their profile dropped when his wife, Tolu decided to make life unbearable for her family for seven months because of her husband’s attitude to her on her birthday.

He had a problem in his office the previous day and wanted to report on duty as early as possible without telling his wife about his ordeal. On that faithful morning, he almost shouted at her to get into the car so he could buy her a handset as Birth Day Gift. You may call it transferred aggression! Reluctantly, Tolu obeyed and on reaching the shop, he failed to take her by the hand and gently lead her as he used to do as a sign of courtesy. Rather, he walked straight to the counter, picked a phone of his choice and paid #35,000 for it. “Take. You’ll like this. Happy Birthday to you!” he said and went to work. Tolu believes “If a man treats his wife like a queen she will treat him like her king.”

Darkness enveloped Tolu as she went back home. What was supposed to be a Red-Letter-Day became the most sorrowful day ever in her life. She then made up her mind to make life unbearable for her husband if and only if he refuses to apologize for his actions. But the man did not know he had wronged his wife, so, no apology. 

“Be angry but do not sin; do not let the Sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” Eph 4:26-27. According to Tolu, from February 3, to August 30 that year, she and her husband were living like cat and dog while their children wondered endlessly what was amiss. The children remembered Chinua Achebe’s “Things Fall Apart” but were not in a position to make the center hold.These innocent children had a bad experience for this long period just because their parents were not open to each other.

Family friends who were regarding the couple as angels were taken aback because of this unusual development. Some made efforts to keep the fire of love burning between the couple but all to no avail. So, everybody was confused!

On August 30, 2014 a family friend invited a priest to Moses’ home to help resolve the issue. Tolu told the priest how her husband’s action on her birthday divided the family into three! She wanted to continue that way till next February to see if there would be a change or not to enable her take a final decision regarding their marriage. But the intervention of the visiting priest saved the situation. The husband eventually apologized when he got to know his fault and peace was restored back to the family again. The children quietly rejoice as all was well again. We thank God for that family.

Your partner should be your closest friend apart from God: give him/her the benefit of doubt when a cloudy situation such as this, occurs. Do not allow pride, ignorance, etc. to ruin the sweet relationship you built over the years. In marriage, there is need for one to be conscious of his/her partner’s feelings and needs. There is need to pray on daily basis to God who instituted marriage to protect and supervise it. Look unto God for He is ready to see you through. I have not seen any marriage without hiccups but when husband and wife work together, they forge ahead easily.

J. I. Egbesun once said, “If you want to live happily and live long too, you have to free your mind: do not bear grudges, reconcile with those who offended you and those you have offended. That way, life will be worth living for you! It does not pay to harbor grudges against anybody.” And John Mason complemented him saying, “Forgiving those who wronged you is a key to personal peace. It is far better to forgive and forget than to hate and remember. Unforgiveness blocks blessings, forgiveness releases blessings.”

Dear reader, if you have nobody to forgive his/her offence against you, then, forgive me for troubling you with this article today and keep it for now. On your wife’s next birthday, take her out and spend much time with her. That is the only way you can understand why this went through hell for seven long months. ”Hold fast what you have, so that no one may seize your crown.” Rev. 3:11.

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